Forbidden Memories
by SawSyndicate
Summary: Ichigo remembers his past... with Ishida. Yaoi. AU.


Note: Something i wrote when i was bored. Hope you can understand what I'm writing anyway. This is also my first fic. My tenses are pretty bad too. Please forgive me. Drop me a review if you want. And this is yaoi. Don't like, don't read.

Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo, not me.

Ichigo looked out the window. Snow. It always reminded him _that _bespectacled boy. He frowned. "I wanna go out... being cooped up here makes me feel like I'm in prison. And I should change too. I've been in this outfit forever." He strode over to the wardrobe. Opening it, a dark blue t-shirt caught his eye. It had the words "LOVE IS JUST A BURDEN" printed in bold letters. "How true..." muttered Ichigo. "Dark blue..." he said, his voice slightly cracking. Dark blue always reminded him of Ishida's straight, smooth hair that he loved to run his fingers through. "So soft.." he whispered as he recalled how Ishida's hair felt. A lone tear ran down his face. He could remember vividly, how Ishida's skin felt on his, Ishida's scent... it all came to him so naturally, like he had been through these things everyday. More tears followed. "You didn't have to do that...you could've told me..." whispered Ichigo.

Everybody knew Ishida committed suicide, but they acted as though it was an accident. Nobody talked about it. Ichigo acted as though he didn't know, but he radiated a kind of sadness. Anyone could tell he was heartbroken. He couldn't believe it at first. THE Ishida Uryuu, committing suicide? Not likely. Ichigo often wondered why Ishida didn't tell him about his problems, choosing to die instead. THAT Ishida Uryuu, running away from his problems? Not likely.

Ichigo took the t-shirt, a jacket, jeans and gloves from his wardrobe, and quickly changed. Looking outside again, he noticed that it wasn't snowing anymore. Opening the window, he felt a cold, sharp blast of air hit him in the face. "Cold... it's cold."he murmured. "Just like how I feel everyday..." It was true. Since the day Ishida left, Ichigo went numb with the cold he felt inside. "I'll leave now, then..." he muttered, not wanting to waste anymore time. Grabbing a penknife, he slipped it into his back pocket. He always carried it around just in case something happened. As he slipped out of the room, he remembered how he used to cling onto Ishida, not wanting him to leave the house yet. Ever since they got into that relationship, Ichigo never let go of Ishida. They went everywhere together. He descended the stairs, tears clouding his vision as he remembered kissing Ishida right where he was walking that day after school 3 months ago. Ichigo finally reached the main door and slipped out.

He saw snow everywhere. Wiping his tears, he spotted children throwing snowballs at one another, like he and Ishida used to do. He looked away, choosing to ignore their happy laughs. He hadn't laughed for a very long time too, and almost forgot how it sounded. He headed straight for the park. As he looked around, he found that it was deserted, save for the couple in the corner, kissing. Ichigo bit down hard on his lip, fighting the urge to cry. "Not now..." he whispered. He finally found the tree he was looking for. It was in a quiet corner of the park, hidden from view. He smiled slightly, and walked under it. He ran a gloved hand down the bark of the tree, and finally located what he was looking for. It was the letters "I X I " carved onto the tree. "Ishida...you remember our first kiss here, don't you? You remember that I gave you your first valentine gift here too, right?" Tears started to pour down his face again, blurring his vision. He quickly walked off, his feet starting in the direction of the cemetry.

Ichigo placed his hand on the smooth stone of Ishida's grave stone, and whispered, "Look where you are now, Ishida. Lying here, all alone... aren't you bored?" He felt beads of water on his face, and realised he was crying. "Don't do this to me anymore, Ishida...I'm coming to join you right now... will you wait for me..." he took out the penknife from his pocket, and stabbed his chest. Summoning the rest of his strength, he stabbed his stomach as well. As he sank to the ground, whispered," I'm free...". Quietly, he died, with the regrets a normal person would never have, and the memory of a forbidden love fresh in his mind.


End file.
